My friend Jason is soon going to be a father, so to help him out, we at Guy Thing Blog have this simple primer of many important things a new father should know. Just click the image for the full size.

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If you have been married for more than a minute and a half you know that men and women are fundamentality different!

Men are headliners, women are fine print.

For example, a husband comes home, and his wife asks how was his day. He says, “Good.”
She looks at him with “that look.” She wants to know who he had lunch with, what they were wearing, was the salad any good? Did it come with a vinaigrette?

She wants to relate, he wants to relay.
She wants the stories, the nuances, the emotion of it all, he just looks at her weird.

When it came to Beccy and I raising kids it was the same.
She would read the books, circle the articles, talk to girl friends, she was having an experience, I was trying to solve a problem!!

I would watch people in the shopping mall, churches and work places and I figure out that the only difference between a 5 year old having a temper tantrum and a 25 year old having one was the lack of disciple and 20 years. I just didn’t want to raise kids that I would be embarrassed to have out in public or would shame me later on in life.

There where two things that I discovered along the way.
The first was a simple formula for family discipline and the second was what has become known as the seven keys for raising kids. These two go hand in hand; you cannot have one with out the other.

Here is our formula

A+B+C = D

Affection + Boundaries + Consistency = Discipline.

A. Affection

Growing children is like growing young plants. Every word we say is an opportunity to frame and shape their world. The most crucial thing you can do is speak words of affirmation and affection into their life from the time of their conception.

Be positive. Don’t allow your kids to be negative; even though that’s the way we all naturally tend to be. If your child speaks negatively about themselves, correct them, lovingly and firmly. Don’t let it pass. The girl who’s allowed to say she looks ugly will grow up believing it.

What causes children to act and think that way? They’re simply repeating the kind of worldview they receive from other people. Watch your words and watch the media influences you allow into their young lives. Do you call yourself fat? Does your wife say she’s unattractive? Are your children consistently being bombarded with unrealistic body imaging?

Instead, affirm and compliment your wife’s looks… and do the same for your children.

B. Boundaries

The first thing to settle within yourself is that you only ever discipline a child for an issue of rebellion not lack of knowledge. Rebellion is simply doing what you asked them not to. If a child runs through the house with a glass in their hands or shoves toast in the DVD player and you have never told them that is wrong, you can not discipline them for it. If you have clearly explained it to them, then that is an issue of rebellion and they must be held accountable for their actions.

If Beccy or I never told the kids not to do something the other would always back them up, even if we didn’t agree. If we want to discuss it, we always did so in private. If we needed to change it, the parent who laid down the law made the changes to the law. That way we were presenting a united front and not a divided front.

Children need boundaries, just like cars need lanes.
The only difference between a bratty 5 year old and a bratty 15 year old is 10 years and the fact that they have never been disciplined.

Don’t raise kids that you’re embarrassed to take out in public.

C. Be Consistent

A persons character is trusted only to the extent of their word.
Your word is your bond. If you say you are going to do it, do it.

A child cannot tell the difference between a broken promise and a lie. The moment you tell them you’re going to the beach for the weekend, they start gathering up the buckets and spades.

They don’t understand that the people flew in from China unannounced for a business meeting.

Don’t break your word to your children; help teach them to be flexible by renegotiating with them for another day.

It is the same with household rules. If you say “no”, it has to be “no”.
Not three times “no” then losing your cool.
But “no” once, then delivering on your promises. If you are inconstancy with your discipline your child will either become insecure or will not take you seriously because of your inconsistency.

D. Discipline

You need to have all three of these elements in place to make up the total package of family discipline.

If you only have two, then you will have an unbalanced and unhealthy discipline environment.

Rules without Relationship lead to Rebellion.

You cannot withdraw money from an account you don’t have any collateral in. Make sure you are always making deposits in your children’s emotional bank account so that when the time comes to discipline you don’t go bankrupt.

Remember discipline now to enjoy later.

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