If I had to list the best Christmas gifts I’ve ever gotten, it would look like this…

1. The gift I get this year

2. The gift I got last year

3. The gift I got the year before…

You get the idea.

I can hardly remember the gift I got last year, let alone each year before. The Word says we should store up treasure in Heaven. When all our works are judged, and when we bring our life’s work to be refined, the gifts that we got won’t stand the heat. They’ll be burned away. But what will be left?

How about the family you helped feed when they were in hard times? How about that woman you visited in the home when her own family had all but forgotten her? How about that missionary you gave to?

These are the treasures we store up in Heaven. When these acts are tried in the fire, they will produce precious gems.

It isn’t what we get that makes us great. It’s what we give, because when we give, we will receive in Heaven, what money can’t buy on Earth.

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The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

6. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

7. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

8. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

9. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

10. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

11. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

12. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

13. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

14. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

15. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once again asked readers to Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period .

3. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

4. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

5. Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

6. Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.

7. Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

8. Karmageddon (n) It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

9. Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Glibido (v) All talk and no action.

11. Dopelar effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

12. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

13. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

14. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

15. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an butthead.

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A man who has been a good Christian friend of mine for many years has recently, after being accused, confessed to gross sexual sins. Sin that had been going on for years, maybe all of the years (16) I have known him, He, like many of us, has had his struggles over the years. However, outwardly, he seemed to be doing fine. Teaching, extremely active in his church, a faithful member and a leader in his congregation as well as in his community. It came as a shock to everyone that knew him. He leaves a wife and five children in shock and wondering what their future holds for them.

It leaves me wondering what drove him to serve the way he did. I can only come to one conclusion - GUILT.

The guilt and shame he carried inside must have been the driving force. It pressed him to do more and more to try to cancel the debt he was feeling from his sin, sin he had still not repented of.

What appeared to be a life lived out of a passion and love for the Savior was actually being lived by a passion to alleviate the weight of sin, lust that he refused to lay at the feet of Jesus, lust that he loved and craved more than a relationship with the one who could free him completely. He literally had to deny the power of his God, refuse the prodding of the Holy Ghost and conciously choose his sin over deliverance and restoration numerous times over the years.

The collapse of his house has been great and all have witnessed it - there was no real foundation.

We cannot deliver ourselves. We cannot serve the Most High God out of guilt. Godly sorrow brings repentance and salvation, but worldly sorrow brings death. (2Cor. 7:10)

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Have you ever taken the time to notice the beautiful detail that the Bible gives on creation? Just by researching these few chapters, you see God’s character and what he was thinking when He created everything. You see His devotion, His attention to detail, His provision, and you also see His ability to rest.

Did you know that not resting falls short of God’s glory? “What?! No it doesn’t!” Actually, it does. You see, when God created the world, He was setting forth an example of the work ethic we were to follow. He worked for six days, but He rested on the seventh. In Leviticus, the Israelites were COMMANDED to work six days and observe one day of rest, and that command is never refuted in the New Testament. So if God commanded us to rest, and we don’t, then we are rebelling against God’s command. That rebellion is the very essense of sin. Granted, every now and then things will happen that you’ll have to take care of, but everyone can agree that their lives usually don’t require this type of work. Even doctors and Nurses, who are on call 24/7 in case of emergencies, can usually get one day of rest.

“But you don’t understand! My business can’t take me being gone for a day! Everything would go nuts!” Ok, Madonna, First of all you’re not that important. And Secondly, if your business can’t survive with you being gone for one day, then how do you expect it to stand when you die or retire? And thirldy, God sort of.. you know.. Commanded it. I’m pretty sure the whole “Master of the Universe” Card trumps your “Owner of Thunder Thigh’s Anonymous” card.
“Ok, fine… then I HAVE to rest… but why is it so important?” That’s an easy question to answer. That rest completes you and actually makes you more like God. Let me prove it to you.

Continue Reading »

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We can’t say “Merry Christmas,” we can’t have ads for The Nativity in Chicago, we can’t sing Christmas carols in school programs, and now even Santa Claus is being attacked as a religious figure. If the American Civil Liberties Union had their way, we may even see some of the following nativity characters begin to grace front lawns.

AUSTIN, TX – The Young Conservatives of Texas - University of Texas Chapter announced today that they will be displaying an “ACLU Nativity Scene” on the West Mall of the University of Texas campus on Monday and Tuesday, December 4th and 5th. The group’s intent is to raise awareness on the extremity of the ACLU, and bring to light its secular-progressive efforts to remove Christmas from the public sphere. The display, the first of its kind in the nation, will feature characters that are quite a bit different than the standard crèche.

“We’ve got Gary and Joseph instead of Mary and Joseph in order to symbolize ACLU support for homosexual marriage, and of course there isn’t a Jesus in the manger,” said Chairman Tony McDonald. “The three Wise Men are Lenin, Marx, and Stalin because the founders of the ACLU were strident supporters of Soviet style Communism. The whole scene is a tongue-in-cheek way of showing the many ways that the ACLU and the far left are out of touch with the values of mainstream America.”

The scene will also display a terrorist shepherd and an angel in the form of Nancy Pelosi.

“The ACLU and other left-wing extremist groups are working diligently to destroy American’s rights to the free expression of religion,” said Executive Director Joseph Wyly. “We’ve already seen in Chicago an attempt to censor the nativity by a city government this week. It’s just more evidence that there is a War on Christmas being waged by the far-left in this country…”

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It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events are put into motion.

(1) The woman goes to the store.

(2) The woman “fixes” the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.

(4) The man places the meat on the grill.

(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

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So, I was stuck in Colarado Springs and got to see Hugh Jackman in The Fountain.

It would have to be the WORST movie I have ever seen.

I mean ever seen.

Worst than Titanic.

Worst than Runaway Bride.

How can the guy who just did The Prestige come out with this tripe.

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When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Do you live in a friendly or a hostile universe?

Do you expect things to work out for you or expect things to work against you?

Often we look at things from basis of fear not faith and we reap failure not fruitfullness.

Faith is belief that something you can see will come to pass.

Fear is believing that something you can not see will come to pass.

Some amount of energy is expended in each situation, but the fruit is different.

The situation hasn’t changed, you have.

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I have just had my 8th flight delay in 3 days. But the funny thing is the way they do the delays, they seem to be in 75 minute increments.

They get you into the airport THEN tell you there is a delay, but the delay is only really 75 minutes. So, it is not enough time to get a car, go back through security and sit in a reasonable restaurant.

Then 25 minutes before you are suppose to board again they come and talk to you and take another 75 minutes of your life. Now you’re thinking, I could have gone to the mall, brought the wife a present. But no. I will stay here listening to the child who has obviously just been possessed with a devil or just received another installment of sugar and food coloring - the effects are similar.

The bland musak starts to soak into your soul and the recycled air gets colder.

You wait in eager anticipation. The hour approaches. Then they come. The counter people - the most powerful people in your now diminishing universe. They stroke the keys, they had out favors, they bestow….upgrades and voucher compensation and just before you are about to board…. they like members of a Transylvanian cult they suck another 75 minutes from your life.

This time you get online, spend another $9.50 for another hour or wifi because when you started this you thought paying $24 dollars for a day pass was ridiculous. You look up all the movies you could have seen and the sights you could have visited and all you have to look forward to is fighting over the scraps of greasey Pizza Hut Pizza as the people around you start to take on a Post-apocoplic feel.
You come to watch with envy the fat guy who positioned himself hours ago in front of the only power outlet in all 4 terminals.

And you wait. Your ipod has not power. Your computer hates you. You hang your head and find yourself counting carpet titles and looking for faces of famous people in the old chewing gum smears that cover the floor.

And slowly your theology starts to change. You know the Catholics are right, there IS a purgatory and it has been renamed the Colorado Springs Airport.

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