HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

Without forgetting to:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

And at the same time, you must also:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself.
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself.
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

It is very important:

54. Never to forget: birthdays, anniversaries, or arrangements she makes.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

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Three Holy Men and a Bear A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. “Well,” he said, “I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start “

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I think every graduate has Jeremiah 29:11 somewhere in their list of favorite verses, but what does it really mean?

Many would say it means that the future and hope will come in their lifetime, but for Israel, this just wasn’t the case. At the point when this was said by the prophet Jeremiah, Israel was in captivity, and had 70 years left in captivity. That meant nearly two generations would pass before they would see this future God had planned.

If we see this as a promise for our lives alone, I think this means our vision is too small. We always seem to look for God’s plan for OUR life, and not see God’s plan for our grandchildren. I think our future and our hope is that our grandchildren will reap what we sow.

Israel knew the time frame for God’s plan regarding their captivity. They looked forward to the day their grandchildren would go home free.

Call it a butterfly effect if you will, the thing you may do in your life may not amount to much in your life, but it adds up, and it may mean everything to generations ahead.

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